Ask Zach

where could i get a laptop under 100 dollars but with lots of gb

2009-12-14T06:18:00.000-08:00

You know that guy named Tony who sells stuff out of the back of his truck? I talked to him and he said if your a friend of mine he can get you a 'hot' deal on a cheap laptop. Not only is it cheap but it comes preloaded with music, games and some random person's photos.

Cash only

should i do my homework?

2009-12-14T06:12:00.000-08:00

I hated homework and did everything to avoid it. Now I am stuck in a crummy job answering people's questions in exchange for stock in a worthless company. Now I do everything to avoid answering people's questions. (you may have noticed a lack of answers latley)

So think about what you want to do with your life and deiced if doing homework is worth it. (and I don't mean my old trick of doing your homework in the bathroom right before you have to turn it in)

does m&m color effect melting?

2009-10-13T19:48:00.000-07:00

Are you trying ot melt it in your mouth or in your hand?

This sounds like a science project to me. I am not going to do your work for you, but I will give you a hint. When I wear a black shirt outside I feel more hot then my white shirt. When I wear my muscle man shirt I am the hottest.

whats your favorite board company

2009-10-01T17:48:00.000-07:00

board game company would be Parker Borthers
2 by 4 board would be national lumber
Cardboard company would be American Cardboard
Skateboard would be darkstar (ok I lied I don't know anything about skate boards)

where was shakespeare born

2009-10-01T17:47:00.001-07:00

Shakespeare was never born. He did not exist. The works that are credited to him were written by Barack Obama who used a time machine to go back in time and write the different plays under Shakespeare’s name. Make sure to tell your teacher this and you will get an A for being so smart. PS. If you don’t believe me look at Wikipedia that I just changed to say that.

Ask Zach is Back!!

2009-09-18T06:41:00.001-07:00

As you may have noticed no questions have been answered for along time. I am sorry for all those kids out there who were unable to finish their homework, because Ask Zach didn't give them the answers. Also I hope that person who asked about the rash on a very personal area got that checked out by a doctor.

The reason why Ask Zach was dormant for a while was the owner, Rusty Shackleford, passed away from an opium overdose. The site ended up in legal limbo as relatives fought with one another not to become owners of this decrepit site. Thankfully someone stepped in and saved the website.

Heather Sinclair, founder of Sinclair Media, has bought AskZach.Com and hopes to be hiring a person named Zach to answer questions within the next week. So stay tuned all questions will be answered.

do you want to dance?

2009-06-29T17:12:00.000-07:00

I would love to dance the problem is I just had surgery on my knee, so I won't be dancing for a while. I see the doctor tomorrow and I will ask her "So you think I can dance?"

what are capri sun pouches made of

2009-06-20T21:34:00.000-07:00

Some say there is a place in hell where there are Capri Sun pouches full of acid. If you put the straw in and poke a whole through the pouch….well you get the idea. Capri Sun may look like it is from the future, but it is actually from a time when people thought outside the (juice) box, the late 60’s. That difficult to open pouch is nothing more than polyester-reverse side printed to aluminum then laminated to polyethylene (a plastic polymer).

how do i get the mailman to go out with me?!?!

2009-06-20T21:15:00.000-07:00

Letter carriers do make very good dating material. They will show up for a date even if it raining, snowing, or a hurricane is blowing. So how do you catch one of these fine specimens? Get a bunch of postcards, write how good looking your mailman is on it and how you wish you could date him on one and mail it to a friend. Send this to a few different friends. Then write you r phone number on another post card. If no calls then plan B is waiting for the postal worker and asking if he would like to see your stamp collection sometime (wink)

Good luck

will earth die in 2012

2009-05-30T07:29:00.000-07:00

Dust off your your y2k survival kits. The world is going to be ending soon.

Do you like dislike, or not care about twilight?

2009-05-11T16:30:00.000-07:00

I truly disliked Twilight
In fact a can say it was one of the wort movies I have ever seen

For those who have not seen it let me save you the trouble

girl: that mysterous man is hot
boy: sniff sniff get away form me
girl: I have not said more then 2 words to you but I am in love with you
boy: get away from me
girl: love love love
boy: away away away
girl: your a vampire that makes me love you more
boy: but I am a vampire
girl: but I love you
boy: but I am a vampire
girl: but I love you
boy: but I am a vampire
girl: but I love you
boy: but I am a vampire
girl: but I love you
boy: but I am a vampire
girl: but I love you
boy: okay
then end

how old art thou?

2009-03-31T09:23:00.000-07:00

When good manners shall lie all in one or two man's hands and they unwashed too, tis a foul thing

thou shall not ask thine blogger his age
I may be old but not too old to be young
my time on earth shall be said on this page
but do not ask one how old just bite your tongue
when thy was birthed there was lots to see
many events thou does not remember
there was the last MASH episode ever on TV
Tom Brokow took over the news in September
why ought my age you want to see
Is a birthday gift thou wants to buy?
I do like photography and most anything for the wii
wrap it up nice and bring thy gift in July
so my age is thou ready to see?
for I doth born July 26, 1983

As a vegan, what do you think of animal crackers?

2009-03-30T19:53:00.000-07:00

Considering I am happy to eat "chicken," "beef," "duck," and "shrimp" I do not see the problem with eating animal crackers. I do have a problem that they are called crackers when they are most defiantly a cookie. I am wondering how they have gotten away with the cracker name for so long.

As evidence that they are in fact cookies I turn to wikipedia:

"In U.S. English, the name "cracker" is most often applied to flat biscuits with a savory, salty flavor, in distinction from a "cookie," which may be similar to a "cracker" in appearance and texture, but has a sweet flavor. Crackers may be further distinguished from cookies by the manner in which they are made. Crackers are made by layering dough and cookies are made in any manner a cake would be made. Crackers sometimes have cheese or spices as ingredients, or even chicken stock. Some crackers are salted, flour products."

I urge all of you out there to write to your congressperson about this issue. (It is not like there any more important issues going on right now)

who is the current secretary of education

2009-03-30T17:51:00.000-07:00

I remember a while back in the old bush days there was the guy form Texas who had told schools to cheat on the state test to make it look like the schools had made amazing advancements. So as a tribute to him, I am going to have to cheat and use the all mighty Goolge.

The answer: is Arne Duncan.

Remember kids cheating is never a good idea

who was the first person to reech the north pole

2009-03-29T19:40:00.000-07:00

I forget his name, but I remember what he looked like. He was on the chubby side, had a red jacket, red pants, and red hat. (I guess the man loved red) He also had a white beard and was drinking a lot of Coke from a glass bottle.

I may be wrong but I think he took up residency in the North Pole. He might still be there not sure though. I wish I could remember his name.......

how much does 10 lb of pennies worth

2009-03-29T19:19:00.000-07:00

In this economy a "penny saved really is a penny earned". There is a good reason why the Coinstar line is so long. There is also a good reason why I look under the cushions of my friend's couch for loose change. (I got to pay the bills some how)

So you have a big jar full of pennies, and your wondering if you can use to to pay your sub prime mortgage or your credit card debt.

Well using my old answer a penny weighs in at 2.5 grams. There are 453.58 grams to pound, so that means about 180 pennies per a pound. So 10 lb of pennies equals 1,800 for a grand total of $18

PS. If using your pennies to pay for something do not soak them in urine first.

Hello, hailing from the desert here, and just wondering if deep fried things are vegan?

2009-03-23T19:57:00.000-07:00

"Hello, hailing from the desert here, and just wondering if deep fried things are vegan? Not because of the concern over being friend in that greasy catch-all fry-o-later, but because of the surrounding breading. More specifically, deep fried oreos?"

Is there anything they will not deep fry
Twinkies
Snickers
pickles
spaghetti & meatballs
even (gasp) chicken

so is it vegan........
after consulting the great grandson of col. Sanders I have found out that sometimes the breading is vegan and sometimes it is not. The only real way to know is to make your own (there is tons of sugar in these)

what is 7575765 + 336553

2009-03-23T19:54:00.001-07:00

What is your homework?

As I tell the kids I work with I am not going to give you an answer. I will help you though.
7575765
336553

remember to carry the numbers

How long is the great wall of China?

2009-03-23T19:49:00.000-07:00

I have already answered how long is a Chinese man, unlike this question this one is not a joke.

Its very loooooooooong about 4,000 miles long

is it safe to drink milk after the experation date

2009-03-23T19:45:00.000-07:00

As a vegan, I may not be the best person to ask about milk. I would say if it is starting ot look like cottage cheese I would not drink it. I can remember from my milk drinking days that bad milk has a pretty distinct smell. No smell I say go for it.

(Under advisement of my attorney, I must state: If you get sick or die from taking this advice you can not sue me. consult your physician or local farmer before following my advice. )

WHAT IS A GRAMS OF GOLD SELLING FOR

2009-02-10T15:20:00.000-08:00

The answer depends on what kind of gold and who you are asking.

The only way I can fully answer your question is by you mailing your gold to me. I will then asses its value. I will then post its value right here on Askzach.com. I call the program blog4gold.

If you think mailing your gold off to some random guy / company is a bad idea you would be right.

(I am secretly hoping cash4gold.com will pay me to take down this post)

Will You be in my movie?

2009-02-10T15:14:00.001-08:00

As an internet celebrity I get asked to be in all kinds of movies and TV shows. There is only one of me, so I can't be in all of them. That is why I have hired a look a like. When you hire for me to be in your movie, tv show, child's birthday party, or parole hearing it might not actually be me who shows up, but a look a like.
Not to worry all look a likes have been certified by me and have had to attend a half an hour training taught by me (or a look a like if I am too busy)

so if you would like to hire me or someone that looks like me send an e-mail to: iwanttohire (AT) askzach.com

How do you spell Austrailia

2009-01-23T10:17:00.000-08:00

Did you mean: Australia?

What is the correct way to pronounce the president's name? All the anchors say oBAma but all the people cheering go obaMA.

2009-01-23T10:01:00.001-08:00

Being from Massachusetts I wish it was obaMA. After much research including listing to the audio book version of Dreams From My Father I have concluded that it is oBAma. That should not stop people from yelling obaMA or writing Obama.

where is the nearest gas station to central park west and 62nd st?

2009-01-04T14:51:00.000-08:00

The price of gas has fallen, but in order get a good price at the pump you will have to find a pump. One option is to use your GPS. Sure it might lead you around in circles. Each time you reach a gas station you will find an empty lot or construction site. or you can try:

303 West 96th Street
New York, NY
212 865-3311

I don’t think it has been torn down yet